MAY 5, 1995 GAY PEOPle's ChroNICLE

25

EVENINGS OUT

'A person's life is worth more than a gold medal'

Greg Louganis speaks of the Gay Games, being out in sports, and self-esteem

Mary Woodward caught up with Greg Louganis at a Philadelphia gay and lesbian bookstore during his 16-city tour to promote his new book, Breaking the Surface (Random House, $23.95).

Mary Woodward: The crowd last night at Giovanni's Room bookstore was unbelievable. What has it been like to meet so many gays and lesbians, and people with AIDS on this tour?

Greg Louganis: It's been wonderful. They've been incredibly supportive, offering words of encouragement... hang in there... you know, a lot of long-term survivors of HIV. It's really been incredibly supportive.

MW: Last June in New York City was such an exciting time with the Gay Games and Stonewall. Why did you decide to reveal your homosexuality at that time? Personally, what did you get out of the Gay Games?

GL: It was a wonderful sporting event. It was really incredible. It was fun to be on the boards, and diving with friends. It was great.

MW: I heard that they were bowing to you at Asphalt Green [the diving center].

GL: Yeah, it was too funny. The thing is... I mean I had no idea the book would have this kind of impact. You can't prepare for something like that. I knew that participating in the Gay Games was a little baby step for me. It was in a place that was safe, the environment was safe. What was more difficult for me was making that speech to the U.S. Olympic Committee dedicating the award to [Gay Games founder] Tom Waddell, and also encouraging the Atlanta planning committee to move the Olympic volleyball preliminaries out of Cobb County because they have the anti-gay ordi-

nance.

MW: How did that come about and what type of role did you play?

GL: The speech was a collaboration between my co-author [Eric Marcus] and myself. He said that he was more than happy to do it. We talked about different things, how we could make the award more meaningful, etc., and Tom Waddell's place in history. We also discussed the issue of Cobb County. That was so buried in the press.

MW: Do you feel that your role helped in the USOC's decision to move volleyball out of Cobb County?

""

GL: I think that it had an incredible impact. I think that they were trying to get away with just sneaking it through, thinking, "Oh well, there's not a great deal of attention to this now, so we can just ignore it and it will go away.' When I brought attention to it, I think that they realized that they couldn't let this thing simmer. [USOC president] Leroy Walker said that this is an issue that we can't allow to simmer.

MW: Yes, that was quite a victory. You're really an inspiration to so many gay and lesbian people now. Many people have called you a gay role model. Does that make you uncomfortable?

GL: Yeah, I don't believe in role model"; I believe you can take an aspect of a person, and admire that, but as far as a role model, that kind of denotes a perfect person, and there are no perfect people. We all make mistakes. I wouldn't hold myself as an example. The stuff that I've dealt with, and have gone through— I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

MW: From your experience, do you feel that you will help future gay and lesbian athletes come out?

GL: I didn't realize this, but I guess I've already in a sense done it. It's just scratching the surface... just by example. I went to my coach's son's wedding, and there is this table

Living in the 3 or 4 seconds after the dive

Breaking the Surface

by Greg Louganis

Reviewed by David Horneck

While in Palm Springs over Easter weekend, I was most thrilled upon arrival to find out that Greg Louganis would appear at a local bookstore on Sunday morning to autograph his new book, Breaking the Surface. A friend and I went to the book signing and after about an hour of standing in line, we finally got to meet Louganis. We hugged and had our picture taken together.

GRPG LOUGANISERATNIC

ERTALING

Breaking the Surface is a very easy book to read, which was nice because I was able to finish it in two days. It is also full of photographs, some of which are pretty humorous. In the book, Louganis, along with co-author Eric Marcus, covers his life from the time he was adopted at nine months old right up to the present. Louganis was a gifted child and started doing acrobatics and dancing when he was only knee-high. Only after a doctor told his mother that dancing on cement floors was damaging his knees did she sign him up for diving lessons. He took to the board as easily as the floor and the rest is history. Well, almost.

GREG LOUGANIS

Louganis's father was a drunk. The kids at school not only called him “sissy” and "faggot," but "nigger" as well because of his dark Samoan complexion. He started smoking pot and taking drugs. He also suffered from depression and attempted suicide on a few occasions. He is the first one to say that he is lucky to be alive today.

Diving was Greg Louganis' joy and escape. He worked very hard, even practicing outdoors when the weather was, cold and raining. He dove when he was sick or even injured. I got a big chuckle when he wrote, "I may cry easily, but I never give up." He was always crying. Diving was his way of silently expressing himself. He had all the confidence he needed to dive, but none to live. He felt unworthy, and suffered through controlling and abusive relationships. It was as if he were always living in the three to four seconds after a dive, when he was in the deep pool, silent and alone. The sometimes tedious details of diving and the Olympics may get boring for some readers, but it is the foundation of the book as well as a major part of Louganis's life. It's the part of his life that makes him a role model for kids and adults who are trying to sort out their own sexuality.

He is a role model for all gay and lesbian people who may be able to use their influence or position to help create equality and send a message to people that hatred will not be tolerated, as he did when he pushed to get the 1996 Olympic volleyball trials out of Cobb County. While some people curl up and die when they find out they are HIV positive, since his diagnosis Louganis has finally taken the full amount of confidence he brings to his diving and applied it to his personal life. He finally has the will to live. ♡

of divers. A few of the divers are gay. Some of them felt comfortable enough to bring their respective boyfriends to the wedding. I was so impressed. I made a comment that it was so great to see everybody feel that comfortable.

They said, "Well, you started it." It was like, oh, yeah. Tom in the

book was referred to as my manager. Everybody knew.

It wasn't a secret

Greg Louganis with his dog Ryan Luke

what the relationship was. What was the secret was the abuse. He was at team functions and included in them. [Other divers] made comments that I, through example, let them know that it was okay.

MW: Do you feel the abuse in that relationship has affected relationships that you've had since?

GL: I like to think that I'm wiser, and that it wouldn't happen again, but some of that has been strong patterns that I'm still working on breaking. Patterns can be so ingrained. I think I'm allowing myself to give myself credit for deserving better and really hoping for and striving for falling in love, and sharing my life with someone special.

MW: Are you currently involved? GL: No, it's (pauses), I don't know that I'm ready.

MW: You said that when you revealed your HIV status, you did it because you wanted to remove all the secrets. Is there any other reason? Did you think your coming out might help other people—was there any of that kind of thinking in your decision?

GL: Oh yeah. I had a friend. He died about a month before his best friend got married, and had he been taking care of himself, had he felt that he could talk openly about his HIV status, chances are he probably would have been able to see her get married. So, he missed out on the wedding. He was in on the planning and all that, but because there is such a stigma with AIDS and HIV, he chose to live in denial.

MW: When you were on the Oprah Winfrey show, a gentleman stood up and basically said that he had compassion for Arthur Ashe and Ryan White, but not you, because you contracted AIDS through gay sex. What has to be done to change those views? Do you think it's possible to change people's minds?

GL: I don't even know if it's possible. A lot of views are so really ingrained. One comment that I made is that "Love is love and you should never feel guilty for any love that you shared." MW: I was upset by what the viewer said. GL: I think that's the reason why I view myself as more spiritual than religious. Spirituality is non-judgmental. Really, who wants to be judged? If you surrender yourself over to hate back, then they win. So, I got a pretty nasty note from Reverend Phelps.

MW: The guy in Kansas?

GL: Yeah. I feel like I should send him a teddy bear and say "You need hugs." What a miserable existence.

I did this one radio show. It was so hysterical. This woman gets on and says, "My son's gay, I don't approve of the lifestyle," and then she proceeds to say "His name is Blair, he's in San Francisco, I understand you're going there." You say you're having a problem with his lifestyle, but you're trying to set him up on a date? (Laughs.) It was so hysterical. Her words were saying one thing, but what she was saying was different. She wanted a good partner for her son.

MW: A reporter at the bookstore suggested that the publicity tour may have an impact on your health.

GL: Since I started this, I have a better understanding of Ryan White. I would get pissed off at him for traveling as much as he did and doing these speaking engagements with students and I was very concerned with his health in a rather selfish way. I wanted him around as long as possible. I understand that more now today--the importance of it. Some of the people that have come out to me with their HIV status or sexual orientation are not out to their families. They have their secrets. At least now maybe they feel that they're less alone than they thought they were. You can always tell. They write it in a letter and say, "Please read this," or they lean over and whisper in my ear and say, "I'm HIV positive." They tell me when they were diagnosed, and express that they feel they have an ally.

MW: I can imagine it's very rewarding for you.

GL: Yeah, after living with so many secrets for so long, it's been very empowering. MW: Which medications are you currently taking?

GL: I've run the gamut of anti-virals, and now I'm back on AZT and Bactrim prophylactically.

MW: Are you going to be doing any more acting?

GL: I hope so, and it looks like I might be. I can't believe it. I'm going to see a play this weekend that they're interested in me doing. It's kind of down the road a bit in the fall or something. Usually these things come up and it's like, "We need you tomorrow!" Fortunately, they're planning way ahead, and have expressed interest in me taking a look at the play and seeing if I might be interested in it.

MW: You seem very passionate about acting.

GL: My acting career has taken so many false starts, that in a sense I try not to get excited. That's something that I definitely want to do, and I've wanted to do for a long time.

MW: What was performing in Jeffrey like? (Paul Rudnick's gay romantic comedy.)

GL: Incredible. It was wonderful to be out there... I could live a lot of my own fantasies at that time, marching in a gay pride parade, wearing ACT UP buttons, and also face a number of my fears, because in the play I, as the character, died every night of a disease that will probably kill me.

MW: Most of us at some time have been called fag, sissy, or dyke at some point, including yourself. Do you have any advice for any young gay people that may read this interview?

GL: Self-esteem is so important, but yet so hard for young people, whether they're gay or straight. You really have to learn to love yourself.

MW: Of all the achievements in your life thus far, of which are you most proud?

GL: The book-I'm really proud of it. I feel that it reflects me-good and bad, and I guess in the book signings I see the good that it's doing. A person's life is worth more than a gold medal.